


The Meaning of Love

by DivineVarod



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Bathing/Washing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Relationship Problems, Romantic Angst, Sacrifice, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 04:15:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7299178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivineVarod/pseuds/DivineVarod
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Facing his Engineering exams Lister is upset to find Rimmer rather lacking in support. After an argument he leaves to do his exam on his own. Then Rimmer does something amazing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Meaning of Love

“Five Minutes till exam time!” The Exam robot bleeped cheerily.  
  
Dave Lister was sitting at one of the twenty plus empty tables of the Robotics and Technology exam rooms. His special project lay ready in front of him.  
Sitting in the room it was emotionally difficult to remember that he once would have shared this exam with a dozen or so crew mates. It was not something he often thought of, as he had learned to repress the more depressing thoughts. But for some reason the empty room had made it all come back to him.  
  
His low mood was fuelled by the fact that he was angry. Angry and disappointed in his husband: Arnold J. Rimmer. His Hologramatic partner had promised to support him through this exam and was supposed to work with him on this one but had not shown up. He needed Rimmer for this part as he was the only other person on the ship who officially qualified as human enough to assist him in the “teamwork” part of the exam. Rimmer had agreed to help him and Lister had been looking forward to working on a project with his husband. But it had been a disappointment.  
  
In fact Rimmer had been difficult for the last few weeks, seeming to have more interest in ship repairs than helping him pass his exams. The Hologram seemed obsessed by fixing the ship and Lister wondered why. Rimmer was often rambling about how much work there was, and kept apologising for not being able to practise with him more, urging Lister to study without him.  
Of course the ship needed fixing, but did Rimmer have to be that obsessive about it?  
  
“Well, you didn't ask him what he was working on did you?” A voice in his head said. “You barely paid attention to what he was talking about.” With a scoff Lister put the thought aside. They'd had a fight the previous night: Lister had wanted to leave to floor 4 that afternoon to be bright and early the next day. The lift took four hours to reach that floor and no way was he getting up at three on exam day. Rimmer had said he couldn't leave yet as he and Kryten needed to install a new safety shield on the computer first – the old one had corrupted.  
Lister had exploded, telling Rimmer he'd let him down all these weeks. He also accused him of jealousy and purposely sabotaging his chances of passing the exam. He'd even attacked the Hologram about his fears of intimacy, haranguing him about the fact that in all these years together they'd never had real sex.  
  
Rimmer had looked crushed, but tried to explain: “I am not sabotaging you. I want you to pass Listy. If you did, maybe you could fix this smegging ship properly. The hall-lights explode, airlocks open on their own accord – Cat was nearly sucked out yesterday. You know I value health and safety, I especially value your safety. Go get ready for your exam, Dave. I'll be there to help you, I promise. I'll be there for you, no matter what.”  
  
Well, almost half a day later and there still was no sign of Rimmer. Lister grimaced angrily. He'd been right: Rimmer didn't want him to pass his exams. He didn't care. If did he'd be there.  
He looked at his watch: two more minutes to the exam. Even if Rimmer turned up now it would be almost impossible to do the job right as they'd been unable to discuss a plan.  
  
“Smeg you, Rimmer!” Lister whispered angrily.  
  
KAPOW!

Lister jumped when the door slammed open and Rimmer stumbled in, gasping for breath.  
  
“Don't worry, Listy.” He panted. “I'm here.”  
  
Lister didn't even acknowledge him, he just grunted.  
  
“Really,” he thought vengefully. “He leaves me hanging all this time and thinks he can make up with some ridicules heroic entrance.”  
From the corner of his eye he noticed Rimmer placing his hands on his thighs and breathing in and out heavily.  
  
“Exams start in one minute.” The computer said.  
  
Rimmer sat down next to him, and placed his hand on Lister's. The Scouser shook him off and kept focussing on the robotic construction they were supposed to create.  
  
Silence.

The men took to work wordlessly, with Lister avoiding any eye contact with his Hologram.  
  
After five minutes of working in silence Lister's anger had cooled a bit. After all, he thought, Rimmer had come. Even if it was, literally, at the last minute. He decided to give him a smile, to show him he wasn't as angry any-more. Finally paying attention to the man next to him, it was only now that he noticed his partner's breathing. It was very fast, as if he was … hyperventilating? He frowned. Was Rimmer nervous, maybe? Maybe that was why he'd been acting so odd? It might not be his exam, but it was still an exam.  
  
When he looked at his partner properly Lister's worry increased: Rimmer's hands were shaking and stained with something reddish brown that gave of small blue-ish static sparks. His movements were a bit off, slightly clumsy, as if he had trouble focusing.  
  
“Arn …?” He asked softly. Rimmer turned to give him a rather wobbly smile.  
  
Lister felt a shock going through him when he finally got a look at his husbands face: Rimmer was pale and drawn and he was sporting a black eye, while a big gash above it was bleeding profusely and sparking static merrily.  
When he looked further he noticed that Rimmer's entire body was shivering, his trousers were torn and that one tear was slowly getting darker with something red, sticky and static that pored from his leg.  
Something had obviously happened to him on the way to the exam. Lister pondered. That's why he was late. He also realised something else: the exam room was next to the lift: why had Rimmer been so out of breath when he came in?  
  
“Arn … you're bleeding, babe. What happened?”  
  
Rimmer shook his head.  
  
“Nothing … a little accident. Just … just focus on your exam, Listy.”  
  
As if he could now. How was he supposed to focus when something bad had clearly happened to the man he loved? Without thinking he pressed the “Injured Team Member” button.  
  
“Listy?” Rimmer asked sounding worried. “What are you doing?”  
  
“What happened to you, Arn? Tell me.”  
  
“Don't be silly Dave. You can't break your concentration now.”

“Tough smeg, already did. So you better make it worth it by telling me why you've come in smegging bleeding and shaking.”  
  
Rimmer sighed and Lister noticed his expression seemed a bit blank and he struggled to keep his eyes open.

“He looks beyond exhausted …” Lister noted.  
  
“The … the new computer shield blocked the lifts and all communication between floors. We couldn't override. Kry … Kryten thinks it might take a few days to settle. I … took the stairs as I didn't want you to think I was letting you down again.”

Lister's mouth fell open in shock and his entire being filled with immediate concern for his partner.  
  
“You … you took the what? But … but it must have taken you ages – even the lifts take four hours to get here!! How long have you been …?” Rimmer's health had been fragile the last few years and going down that endless stairwell could not have been good for him.  
  
Rimmer shrugged.  
  
“Don't know … all I remember is leaving at six PM last night …”  
  
Lister quickly counted in his head. The exam had started at eight that meant that Rimmer … He froze and looked at his husband I horror.  
  
“You … you've been walking for fourteen hours, just to get to me?” He exclaimed.  
  
“Of course I did. I promised I'd be there, didn't I?” Rimmer said softly. “I … I wanted to show you that I love you and support you. Listy … I'd do anything for you.”  
  
Ever the sensitive Lister felt tears welling up. He couldn't believe Rimmer would do this for him and had not even said anything when he arrived.  
  
“Arn … I don't know what to say …”  
  
Rimmer wiped at the still bleeding gash above his eye. That reminded Lister.  
  
“Arn, why are you bleeding?”  
  
Rimmer cringed and shrugged. “I … I fell down most of floor six' stairwell. I think I blacked out a bit or something and missed a step …”

  
“Blacked out …? Arn …” Within less than a second Lister was next to his partners chair to hug him.  
  
“Babe, never do this again, you hear me."  
  
Lister knew there were at least fifteen or so more stairwells between floor six and floor four and the thought of Rimmer going down all of those exhausted and injured just for him physically hurt. What made it especially uncomfortable was knowing the horrible things he'd been thinking about him while he was going through it.  
  
“Injury time up in two minutes. Return to work or request injury retake.”  
  
Lister looked at Rimmer. His eyes seemed a bit unfocussed and dazed now and Lister wondered if he'd even taken anything to eat or drink on his horrific trip. He also worried if he had concussion; banging his head like that could not be healthy. He could care less about the exam now, all he wanted was to put his crazy partner to bed and look after him.  
  
“Smeg it. I'm asking injury re-take.”  
  
“Don't Listy … I … can … thing …ehm …” Rimmer struggled for the right word. “I'm sorry I … ruined this for you. Why can't I ever do anything right!”  
  
Lister grabbed his hands. “No, babe. You came for me and I love you for that. Don't ever think you did it wrong. Arn, we can do this again in a day or two. I can't concentrate with you looking like this. I'm just worried about you, see. I want you to have a bit of a rest and recover and do this fresh.”  
  
“Sleep?” Rimmer asked, with a hint of longing in his voice.  
  
Lister quickly pressed the “retake” button and then looked at Rimmer encouragingly.  
  
“Yes, sleep …”  
  
“But … the computer … I … I don't think I …”  
  
“What? You think we're going back there? No way are we going back up without a working smegging lift babe. Don't worry. Kryten cleaned out the hotel simulation room next door and stuffed the fridge. We're getting you cleaned up and taking a break by the sea. Okay?”  
  
“That would be lovely.”  
  
“Let's go then.”

Rimmer tried to get up but then suddenly winced. He fell back on his chair, looking at Lister apologetically.  
  
“What …?”  
  
“Twisted my ankle when I fell.”  
  
“Smeg sake! And you still walked all the way here?”  
  
“Army boots … If you pull the laces real tight they'll support you as long as you keep walking. My father taught me that. I'd come so far. I knew you were annoyed with me, because you thought I wasn't supportive. I … I should have been there for you, I'm so sorry. It's just, there were so much problems on the ship. It's our home Listy … If anything went wrong were would we go? If something exploded and you got injured … or worse …” Overly emotional from pain and exhaustion Rimmer burst into tears. Lister put his arms around him again and gently rubbed his back. “I … I was just trying to keep you safe, Listy …” Rimmer wept into his shoulder, the hologram clung on to Lister for dear life, holding him in such a death grip it actually hurt.  
  
“Shush Arnie, it's okay. I'm not mad at you. We're just gonna clean you up, give you something to eat and then you gonna sleep, okay, babe? Then, after the exam I'll help with fixing stuff. Guess what: I'll actually be qualified.”  
  
“Listy … I was scared …”  
  
Lister softly puled himself from Rimmer's grip to look at him. Rimmer grabbed his hand, seemingly in desperate need of contact.

“Why were you scared, Arnie?”  
  
“In the hallway … that … that you thought I wasn't coming and … when I twisted my ankle … I had to find you. I'd told no-one where I was. You were angry and … maybe you'd never look for me … Thought I'd abandoned you.”  
  
Rimmer looked far too confused and rambled. Lister had to make him stop: he needed to get him to bed. Gently he took his lovers face between his hands and kissed him.  
  
“No, no. I'd always look for you. If you disappeared I'd look for you, no matter how angry I was. I promise.”  
  
He got up.

“Wait here, hun.”

Lister walked to the door.  
  
“Listy …?”  
  
Lister turned round.  
  
“Yes Arn …?”  
  
“If … if you want to have sex … I … I … would … for you …”  
  
Lister cringed, he'd upset Rimmer to the point of making him walk for hours to show him he cared and now he even offered him sex? What thoughts had been going through his mind during that walk? Lister couldn't bear to think about it. They were not having this conversation now, not like this.  
  
“Arnie, please. Don't think about all that. I was just being angry then. We're not gonna talk about this till you're okay again.”  
  
Rimmer nodded.  
  
Soon Lister returned with the emergency standby wheelchair, a bowl of warm water, a clot and a cup of tea.  
He didn't know if Holograms could suffer dehydration but Rimmer was certainly in need of something warm and comforting.  
He found Rimmer half asleep with his head on the table. He was glad he'd made the right decision: Rimmer really had been in no fit state to work.  
He gently shook his partner.  
  
“Don't go to sleep here, Arn. You can go to bed in a bit. Want some tea?”  
  
“Tired …” Rimmer mumbled.  
  
“I know. But you need to drink something, come on.”  
  
Lister helped Rimmer sit up with difficulty.  
  
“Dave …” Rimmer seemed confused again. “Everything hurts …”  
  
“I'm not surprised Arnie. You walked for ages and had a really big fall. Here, drink this.”  
  
Rimmer eagerly grabbed the mug of tea and drank greedily. Lister wished he'd given him something to drink sooner. After emptying the mug Rimmer frowned.  
  
“Listy …” He asked quietly.  
  
“Yes Arn …?”  
  
“Could … could I have another one?”  
  
Lister pressed a kiss that ended half on Rimmer's forehead and half in his curls.  
  
“You can have as many cups as you want babe, but I'm cleaning up your wounds first.”  
  
“Okay …”  
  
Lister knelt down and gently wiped the worst of the blood from Rimmer's face. He shuddered; the cut was very deep. He'd hoped a simple band aid would do, but this might require stitches.  
He turned his attentions to the wound on his leg, tearing the fabric of Rimmer's trousers to get to it easier. That cut too was very deep. He would bring Rimmer to the Assessor, he decided.  
The Assessor was part of the robotic exam team and looked at the participants medical welfare. It provided general healthcare – including stitches and medicals.  
  
While looking after his Hologram, Lister tried to babble cheerily.  
“Would you like to drink your cuppa in the bath?” A bath was one of the many luxuries Rimmer always denied himself as he'd been told it was a waste of time: instead he always took semi-cold showers.  
  
“I'm having a bath?” Rimmer asked in surprise.  
  
“Yes, a bath. I'm getting it ready for you while emergency medibay stitches you up. Come on, Arnie.” Clearly too tired to protest Rimmer just let Lister semi carry him into the wheelchair and closed his eyes.

In the medibay Lister helped Rimmer onto the Assessor couch. There he tried to remove his boots so the droid could check his ankle too. He tried to be as gentle as possible but Rimmer still uttered cries of pain several times. The ankle had swollen to such an extend that it was difficult to get the boot off. The ankle was badly sprained, the Assessor deducted and would need ice, rest and bandages.  
  
Lister went off to run the promised bath and to make tea and a grilled cheese sandwich for Rimmer while the Assessor stitched Rimmer's cuts and made a calculation of his physical and mental damage. Noticing a mild concussion in the Hologram, the exam was rescheduled to the next week, to give Rimmer time to recover. That taken care of Lister brought Rimmer to the bathroom where he'd got a nice hot bath ready.  
  
He had various reasons for wanting to bathe Rimmer: the most important one was to clean him up, give him comfort and relax his painful muscles but … there was something else, something he really wanted to try.  
  
For a brief moment, upon feeling the unfamiliar sensation of the nice warm water and the bubbles, Rimmer's eyes lost their dull unfocussed-ness. He smiled a genuine smile and sighed happily.  
  
“That's nice, isn't it?”  
  
Rimmer nodded.  
  
Lister noted that lately he'd been talking to Rimmer as if he were a sick child or a small pet and that Rimmer didn't seem particularly annoyed by that. On the contrary, Rimmer seemed to find it soothing. Rimmer sounded very childlike as well, unnervingly so. He didn't quite know what to make of that. He wondered if it was a side effect of the concussion, he hoped so.  
  
“I'll get you that cuppa.”

Thin long fingers closed around his wrist immediately and two hazel eyes shot up pleadingly.  
  
“Stay?”  
  
“Sure ...” Lister smiled. Maybe he could work out his plan. “Let me help you, Arn.”  
  
Lister took a massaging sponge and made it good and soapy. Gently he took Rimmer's hand and begun to slide the sponge over his husband's arm. Rimmer sighed shakily, but seemed to enjoy the sensation. Lister moved on to his upper back, to his partner's always too tense shoulders. He moved the sponge in circles, watching as the tension slowly eased a bit. The other arm, back again.  
  
He wanted Rimmer to feel good about himself, to use this moment in which he was too tired to be on guard. He needed to let him know that touching was not dangerous. He wanted to literally wash the hurt away. He wanted him to feel loved and valued.  
  
Slowly Rimmer melted into the massage, he relaxed against Lister's arm and almost seemed to purr. Lister had reached Rimmer's front, his chest, his stomach, his belly and …  
  
Reaching Rimmer's groin Lister held back. He wouldn't touch him there without permission. Rimmer seemed unaware of where Lister was as he was still half asleep from the back massage.  
  
“Arn … do you want me to continue?”  
  
“Wha …?” Rimmer muttered drowsily.  
  
“Do you want me to continue Arnold?”  
  
Rimmer shook his head to wake himself up and blinked a few times.  
  
“Why do you ask?”  
  
“Well … I've reached a certain area, man, and … erm ...” He felt he was blushing, Rimmer noticed too and begun to laugh. Hearing the sound Lister sighed with relief. Rimmer had looked so out of it Lister had feared never hearing him laugh again. At that moment it was the most beautiful sound in the universe.  
  
“Well Arn?” Lister asked when the Hologram finished laughing.  
  
Rimmer thought about it for a second. “I trust you Listy …” he finally said.  
  
Lister swallowed, he sometimes feared Rimmer gave him too much credit, idolised a version of him he'd created in his mind over the years. He wasn't perfect, he certainly couldn't be trusted to always be right.

Careful not to hurt him, not to scare him Lister moved the sponge downwards, butterflying his skin, barely touching him. Gently. Rimmer closed his eyes and leaned backwards, his breath was fast, Lister wasn't sure if Rimmer was scared or enjoying it. He seemed calm. Lister continued until he noticed a change: When Rimmer's hand tensed around the edge of the bathtub he stopped immediately. He acted casually, it wouldn't help Rimmer if he made a thing out of it.  
  
“I'll get you your cuppa now babe.”

 **“** Just don't be long, please.”  
  
When Rimmer had finished his tea and sandwich in the bath, Lister helped him out and dried him off with a big towel after which he helped him into his pyjamas and bandaged his ankle. Then he wheeled him to their hotel room.  
  
The room had morphed itself into a seaside resort hotel, sea air, even simulated sea air, would do Rimmer good.  
Gently he helped his partner to their bed where he gave him coco with a holo-sedative/muscle-relaxant.  
  
“Okay, you go to sleep now, Arnold.” He said when Rimmer had finished the coco and lay down.  
  
“Stay with me, Listy?” Rimmer asked, his big eyes looking up with so much love Lister couldn't breath, let alone refuse.  
  
“Sure.” Lister crawled in next to his lover and smiled as Rimmer snuggled up to him and zonked out almost immediately. It was only then that Lister felt the true impact of what had happened today: Rimmer cared more about him than his own well being. And he … he cared more about Rimmer than his stupid exam. He didn't need it, what use was a diploma? Alone in deep space what more did he need than the man he loved? They belonged together and that … that was good.

Lister kissed his sleeping partner's cheek: “I love you Arn.”

 **“** Love … Listy …” A slow, sleepy voice slurred and a soft body hugged him a little tighter.  
  
A warm feeling soared through David Lister mixed with a sense of complete bliss and contentment. In that moment he fell in love with Arnold J Rimmer all over again.


End file.
